The Devil in Me (Out of Control)

I wake up grinding teeth and nerves
No prayers left, no final words
Skin feels tight, like it might split
Something crawling underneath it

I fake control, I fake the calm
A loaded gun inside my palm
Every thought is compromised
Something else is wearing my eyes

I don’t feel him — I feel replaced
Like I vanished, left no trace
No warning sign, no point of choice
Just static where there was a voice

I am not alone
I am not clean
I am the wound
And the disease
Cut me open, you will see
The devil in me

I speak in lies that sound like truth
I rot inside this borrowed suit
Every rule I try to keep
Is just another crack he creeps through

I call it rage, I call it need
He calls it finally being free
Every line I swear I won’t cross
Becomes the one that I step across

No reflection looks like me
No decision feels like free will

I am not alone
I am not whole
I lost the war
I lost control
Break the lock, release the beast
The devil in me

I didn’t fall
I didn’t slip
I opened the door
And followed it

I didn’t scream
I didn’t fight
I stepped aside
And gave him my life

This is not possession
This is permission
This is not madness
This is precision

I am not alone
Say it again
I am not alone
Say it again
Cut me open, make it bleed
This is me
The devil in me

No cure
No cross
No second skin
Only one body
Two things within